Auction Terms  (What they say . . . and what it really means)

A "little" hard to catch: You'd better have a good rope and a fast horse.

A little heave-y: Better keep a horse sized oxygen tank handy.

A little herdy: IF you can separate him from his team mate, he'll kill you.

A team penning horse: There were cows somewhere, at some point, in the same county with the horse.

A rope horse: There were cows somewhere, at some point, in the same county with the horse. The horse's owner was confident he coulda roped 'em.

Baby-sitter: The horse is so lazy it'll take whips, spurs, and a bomb to get him to move.

Beginner's horse: The horse hasn't killed anyone to date.

Bomb proof: Too dumb to spook.

Broke the best: That cantankerous critter broke the best set of harness, the best tongue, the best wooden gate on the property, and my best friend's left leg.

Bucks a little till he's warmed up: His owner finally got tired of being dumped and sold the idiot.

Cribs a little: That horse will turn your barn into modern art in less than a week.

Easy keeper: He's so hog fat he's one second away from founder, not to mention you're never gonna get a harness or saddle to fit.

Exposed to a stud: There was a stallion somewhere, at some point, in the same county with the mare.

Five-gaited: Trip, stumble, fall, spin, and bolt.

Great 4-H project: Maybe for someone else's kid!

Guarantee the papers: You just bought yourself a grade horse.

Guaranteed ride outside: You'll never see the seller again.

Hard keeper: His feed bill will resemble your mortgage.

High strung: Certifiably insane.

If you don't like him, you don't own him: Heck, there's another auction next week -- it'll be your turn to unload him on someone

Isn't real good with his feet: Lawsuit with farrier still pending.

Kid broke: The horse trader threw his kid up on the pony's back out in the aisleway of the sale barn, and the boy lived to ride him through the ring.

Kinda hitchy: Certifiably insane.

Never been off the farm: Horse is terrorized by anything that moves, breathes or sneezes.

Not a beginner's horse: Certifiably insane.

Old enough to vote: The horse is on the far side of 30.

Papers are in the mail: You just bought yourself a grade horse.

Spirited: Certifiably insane.

Sold at the halter: The horse may or may not live long enough to get into your trailer.

Smooth mouth: Older than dirt

Three-gaited: Trip, stumble, and fall.

Trail broke: He's no western pleasure horse, can't do dressage, isn't broke to drive, won't jump and is too ugly to show at halter.

Traffic safe: It can't actually be proven that traffic caused the wreck.

Trailers: Will load with a winch and a come-along.

We "only sell the good ones": Proceeds from the sale of this horse will go toward the hospital bill.

Will get the transfer signed: You just bought yourself a grade horse, whose most likely stolen as well.

Will go where you point him: Carried his last rider straight over a cliff.