NH Devotee -- "Well, shucks ma'am, tweren't nuthin'!" "It's simple horsemanship" "With this special twirly flickitat'em rope ($17.95 plus tax), you'll be roundpenning like me in no time." "You silly human, that just ain't natural for a horse."
Dressage Queen -- "Oh no, he's hurt again?!" "The check is in the mail." To Herr Germanlastname: "Can't you tune up those one tempis for me?" To the groom: "Get me that mounting block -- can't you see my nails are still wet?" To the show manager: "That footing has ruined my chances at Olympic Gold in 2000, I'll have you know." and "What were you thinking, stabling me next to that nobody? That horse could be *diseased*?" To anyone who will listen: "When I had dinner with Hilda / Lendon / Robert . . . "
H/J Competitor -- "Did you tell Neverbeenraced how many strides between Fence Four and Fence Five -- I can never remember!" "Is my butt sticking out enough when I post?" "Oh no, I can't jump 2'6", my trainer will KILL me!" "I can't wait to do jumpers with Neverbeenraced -- then we can wear one of those tasseled ear covers!"
Eventer -- "I broke my collarbone/ribs/ankle again last week, but I'll be fine for the jog-up tomorrow." "How do you get pond water out of saddle leather?" "Did you see our showjumping where Fastnhighasican bounced the two stride combination?" "Did you see our final gallopdowncenterlineandrear? I think he is finally starting to relax in dressage." "Oh, it's just a little concussion. Have you seen my horse?" "OOOOHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIT"
Endurance Addict -- "Anyone have Advil?" "Anyone have food? -- I think last year's Twinkies finally went bad." "For this pain, I spend money?" "Oh I never bring hay or water to the vet checks -- there's always plenty around." "Quick, quick, did you look, was his pee okay?" "Shazaam, you bastard -- it's just a leaf [thud]!"
Backyard rider -- "It's too hot/cold/wet/dry to ride." "I used to show." "Where's my metamucil?" "Has anyone seen Snook'ems? last I saw him he was across the road in the cornfield." "Here's a picture of Snook'ems when he was 43 years young!" "Snook'ems stop slobbering on me."